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The reason why someone doesn't break up even though their partner is rude

The reason why someone doesn't break up even though their partner is rude

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It might be easy to suggest someone who has an abusive partner to leave. And indeed, definitely no one wants to stay with a partner who hurt them.

But it turns out, it's not that simple, says David B. Wexler, PhD, author of When Good Men Behave Badly and executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego. According to Wexler, the considerations for not deciding on an abusive partner include:

1. They are afraid that the perpetrator will continue to chase them

As Wexler explains, breaking up with a partner who commits violence actually makes victims who experience violence feel insecure. Will he track me down? Attack me? Damaging my reputation?

These thoughts are thoughts that often arise when they are about to break up a relationship. So they are difficult to leave the unhealthy relationship.

2. They feel shy

Wexler said he had never met a victim who wasn't ashamed of his position. This shame makes victims of violence afraid of outside judgment and accusations.

Letting others know about the violence they experienced allows people to judge with questions such as: Why did you choose him? Why do you live with him? What did you do to make them violent against you? Of course this is very scary. 

"No one wants that." Wexler said.

3. They still love their partner

As many people already know, love doesn't make sense and just because someone hurts them doesn't mean they hate them. Many people who experience violence want the violence to stop, but still love their partner.

"They still feel an emotional attachment to and value many aspects of the relationship and they just want the abusive habit to go away," Wexler said.
(FIR)

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